How to prepare for the loss of a Loved One

In Shamanic tradition death is understood as the great mystery which at one point all of us will encounter. Therefore the preparation for this very special transition is from utterly importance. Shamans as well as other medicine men/women see death as something sacred. This important time of transition needs to be honoured and offers a great opportunity to get closer to the mysteries of life.

To deal with the fear of death and dying, shamans and other healers have specific rituals and sacred ceremonies. During these rituals they gain insights about the afterlife but also receive important information on preparations that need to be done for someone who is about to transition.

Unfortunately in our modern society death is only seen as something to be fearful of. The process of ageing is totally denied in our culture and we like to keep it away from us much as we can. However this has lead to major problems in our relationship to life and death and we don’t understand the sacredness such an experience can offer.

Before our own time comes we will probably get the chance to encounter several opportunities in which you can take part in the transition of others. Some transitions will be quick and unexpected, others we will have more time for preparation for the upcoming loss.

Either way it will always be somehow a painful encounter, especially if the person who passes away is close to you. The grief and the pain of loss maybe heavy but also sacred emotions and should be dealt with in the most delicate way.

In my Astroshamanic work I often walk on the threshold of life and death, even though in a more spiritual way. The death of the ego, the letting of who I though I am and releasing myself from social and cultural conditioning has its own challenges. But we need to die to our old selves to be able to be transformed into the new.

Through my astroshamanic work I was able to gather some helpful insights, that can help you to enhance your personal experience when faced with the loss of a loved one.

Expect the unexpected

It’s important to understand that death is often not a straightforward happening. Some of us will have time to prepare for their transition and others will transit unexpectedly. Both of the pathways to the final stages are bringing changes to our lives and often in a very unexpected way. If you have time to prepare for a loss or transition then it can be a long bearing process with a lot of emotional pressure knowing the final day is yet to come. On the other hand-side if someone passes unexpectedly you will be left with shock, trauma and the burden of reoccurring questions you might not get any answers to.

The inner world

This is the place “inside” of us where you hold our love and grief. Processes that maybe not seen so much on the outside. Your feelings of anger, fear, worry, but also love and longing are at home in this space. It is important when you lose or about to lose a loved one, to go inside and work yourself through the complexity of emotions. These emotions will change on a daily basis, one day you are okay and on other days you feel close to a nervous break down.

These changes of moods and emotions will come in wave forms and their intensity will vary. During such times it is important to be flexible and allow space to all that you feel. Furthermore to do what feels right for you in this moment in time.

Taking time off, going for walks and do some writing can also help to process the happenings.

Other days you might want to do some exercise to release the anger that has been building up inside of us.

The outer world

Stands for everything that you do. From organizing the funeral, taking care of the loved one, talking to friends and a lot of other things that need to be dealt with.

Here you tend to keep busy on the outside, to do what has to be done or to distract yourself when its too much. It’s important that you have a good balance between the inner and the outer world for the whole of the process. Each world holds its very own challenges and some days you might feel that you are not able to function or think clearly. If this is the case you might want to spend some more time on the inner world and leave the outer world for a while. Because you will need to catch up with the emotional plane before you can function on the material plane again.

Preparation for transition of a loved one

Dealing with death is always a difficult undertaking and there are certainly no rights or wrongs. However if you are taking care of a loved one, or close to someone who is in the process of transition you can consider the following points to assist them in their preparation. This points are only guidelines and will help you to keep track on what needs to be done and what maybe should be done.

1. Making sure the worldly stuff is in order

Dependent how close you are to the person who is about to make a transition it is important that there final things are in order. This can be a bit of a daunting subject and probably the last thing you want to think about. However it can also help to ground oneself and put minds at rest for the moment when death has finally come. It is important to make sure the person who is about to die wrote a will, has their paperwork in order and also has a say about how the funeral should be conducted. You can gently ask if there is anything that needs to be put in order and if the person would like to have any help with that. This process will help to find more clarity and focus it also can enhance feelings of being in control and will help not to leave too much work for others who stay behind.

2. Finish/Resolve unfinished business

Most people who are at the end of their life, will start reflecting back on their past. During those times these people can become aware of shortcomings, mistakes and also regrets. However to offer a safe space to do that and maybe assist with this reflection can be a great relief. If there is some unresolved business within the family it might be helpful to ask the person if they would like to clarify this. Contact the family member that is involved and explain the situation to them could be something that you can offer. If speaking is not an option, the person who is about to transition could also write a letter, or make a recording of the things that they wanted to tell others.

Knowing that we all make mistakes and its never to late to apologize or resolve them offers a great space for relief for all parties involved.

Additionally in some cases the person about to die would benefit of seeing a priest and talk to him (dependent on their religious belief) to get things of their chest and receive final blessings.

3. Tell them that you love them

To tell someone that you love them is a powerful gift. We often take people for granted or assume they would know anyway that we love them. Maybe there were difficulties in our relationships but this might be the time to forgive, resolve and let go and let the love flourish. This can be a great release for both parties involved and allows a lot of healing to take place. If you have shared memories together, why not bring a photo album and speak about the good times you had. Postcards, books or other things that the person who is about to transition likes can be a starting point to bring back love into the last moments and the sweet memories it brings.

4. Ask for help

Caring for a loved one can be a huge responsibility and be very demanding, not only physically but also emotionally and mentally. While your loved one needs physical care and also deals with her own fear/worry of dying. You will also be going through your own stages of grief and desperation regarding the facing of the upcoming loss. This is a very intense time and many people cope by overworking themselves in caring for others. However this is exactly the time to get some extra professional help and or to ask family members take turns.

A good way to help yourself would be to see a counsellor or other therapist to make space for your own emotional issues.

Additionally many holistic therapies such as Reflexology, Massages, Acupuncture or Reiki can be very beneficial in helping you to find new ground.

Furthermore a Shamanic Trance healing can also top up your energy, especially when you feel drained, exhausted and on edge. Read more about this form of treatment here….

5. Talk about an afterlife

Being confronted with the final stages of life can be very daunting for many of us. Especially if we have not cultivated any form of belief or spiritual philosophy that takes us beyond our only physical existence. These questions will arise especially when someone is about to make a transition from the physical to the non-physical plane.

However it is definitely not to late to have a chat about a possible afterlife or about these things in general. Maybe the loved one is open to the idea or just gives some space to share his/her concerns around this subject.

There is a lot of proof of reincarnation as well as about the so called “afterlife” and still death is one of the greatest mysteries we will ever encounter.

The stimulation for spiritual thoughts and the consideration of what might be next can help both parties to prepare for the loss.

6. Get a Death Doula

This concept has been around for a while and back in ancient times it have been the medicine man and women who helped other people with the process transition. It was very common that people stayed at their own homes to die and the medicine man and women would help them to face up to dying. A death Doula is the modern answer to this very urgent call for help. Death Doulas help people through the stages of the loss of a loved one by explaining the signs of death, bringing emotional support and assisting them as a companion. This can be a great relief for many people who are otherwise need to go through this all by themselves. You can find more information on this subject by following this link https://eol-doula.uk/

 

7. Cleanse the room of fear and negativity

You can use essential oils or incense to cleanse a room of negativity, worry and fear so it won’t build up energetically.

Lavender, Lemon or Atlas Cedarwood can be really helpful to lift the spirit and help with transition.

The lighting of a candle is also an additional touch of comfort that can make the room of transition a bit more friendly.

If the loved one likes music, why not have gentle music playing in the background. Just make sure that is actually what the transiting person wants. Some people maybe prefer reflective silence.

You can also have a look at our Astroshamanic Space Clearing Sprays and use them to keep the room light and airy as well as prevent build up energies. Find our sprays here…

8. When the final moment has arrived

There are certain signs that will let you know that the person is about to go onto their last journey. This is probably the hardest part, especially when you are with them. It is the final, the big letting go for both of you.

While some people prefer to hold the hands of their loved ones while they take the last breath others might not be able to do so. Don’t blame yourself for that.
It is very often that a loved one transits exactly in the moment when no one is in the room. I want to believe it is because it is easier for them to finally let go. At the end death is a very personal experience and it should also be seen as such. In many spiritual traditions it is been said that we should open a window so the soul can find its way out into the universe. In Buddhist tradition it is taught that the soul at least needs 3 days to fully separate from the body. That also means that you do have some time to say your final good bye. Light a candle, burn an incense, play some music, whatever feels right for you to mark the ending and the beginning the journey is okay. If you are in a hospital you can ask if you can have some time alone with your loved one to say goodbye.

At this stage it can also be helpful to look into some shamanic healing for your personal after care. This can assist you in letting go, dealing with the pain and the grief and offers a space to release grievances. I offer Astroshamanic Rituals that can be performed to assist in this difficult time of transition. Please have a look here for more information.

 

             FREE HEALING MEDITATION FOR GRIEF

If you are dealing the loss of a loved one please consider our Free Healing Meditation for Grief. You can download this meditation to any of your devices immediately. Here is the Free Download link…

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